Yeah, I woke up crabby today. I’m guessing part of it was how late I stayed up last night. And another part was that I spent most of the day with friends. I went over to Sarah’s and met baby Lilah, and then to dinner with Lisa and Steph. We sat at P.F. Chang’s until after 11:30. Then I picked up cheesecake for Chad (who was home with Maria) at the Cheesecake Factory and we stayed up until almost midnight.

So at 7:30 this morning, I was not feeling like the morning person that I can often be when Maria called… Unfortunately Chad is never a morning person, so it was still me dragging myself out of bed. It was fine for a while, but Maria likes to get up and then 2 hours later gets tired again. But today even though she was yawning and rubbing her eyes, she did not want to go to sleep, let alone play (even with me sitting right there with her – She is doing some serious teething!). I felt pretty horrible, because all I wanted was time for myself. I just was really missing having time for me. And being Maria’s mommy comes first, and not necessarily being Jane. I of course felt horrible about this too, because I LOVE being Maria’s mommy. But sometimes I feel like that’s all I am. Well except for those 32 hours of the week where I’m a business analyst…

I think I’m just struggling with the balance of being a mom without losing myself too much. I think coming off a week with a sick baby and lack of sleep, topped off with a late night with the girls where I got a dose of “my past life” and then a short night of sleep, just made for a not so happy morning.

When Chad realized I was having a tough time, he took Maria and got her to sleep, while I showered. After she woke up, I fed her and then made some pancakes, before heading out on my own to shop for a computer desk and making a Target run.

It ended up being a pretty nice Sunday (even though my house is still a disaster). Chad is especially excited, because he returned the iPod he received from work as an award (he just got an iPod right after Christmas) and exchanged it for a PS3.  Just what we need… more video games!