Frustration

So yeah, to say I was frustrated this week was probably putting it mildly.  I wanted to cry – ok, I did, but I wanted to cry more!  But I also wanted to shout and swear.  And seriously if you know me, I don’t really swear. It takes quite a bit to evoke an F-bomb from me, but believe me I dropped several, and would have liked to drop more! I even thought about driving to work one day and sitting through traffic instead of riding the bus, because I was pissed and didn’t want to sit next to a stranger – Then I realized I would probably just get more frustrated sitting in traffic and instead turned to my iPod which helps a little.

So what was it?  A new role as a contractor/consultant. Something that I would have taken on a year ago as a step, but… the last year has been good to me! Really the one experience I never would have imagined that I could do, but it’s been a tremendous learning opportunity.  I think in the last 11 months my confidence in my skills and abilities as a consultant and an analyst have increased ten-fold. I also think, I was always pretty complacent, because I hadn’t found something I wanted to excel at, and now I have something that I at least want to try and be good at!  Actually 2 things, because now I am starting to get the hang of being a consultant!

And Wednesday, it kind of felt like the rug was pulled out.  I know as a consultant priorities of the clients won’t always align with your career goals, but I wasn’t feeling ready to just to step back and re-evaluate my vision.  I felt like a change in direction was going to leave me just shy of getting to where I really wanted to be.   Then there is the economy which isn’t friendly to moves or even making waves!  AND my own stake in sticking with this consultant gig which I just decided was a good fit after 2 years of going back and forth!

Although, luckily me being pissed frustrated, usually drives me to be heard.  I usually aim to please, but at some point I need to be heard.  (Don’t worry – I didn’t take it out on the client, I’m not stupid!) As for now, I’m still going to work through what’s been put on my plate. My frustrations and concerns were heard, which me to gained some peace of mind and affirmations and reassurance.  It also got me help in getting some more of the role defined.  Probably the most helpful, though was having someone else to help me sort through and point out the opportunities and sympathize with the less than ideal.

Even though I have deviated from my “ideal” path, my new “glass half full” attitude is to take advantage and use this new role/opportuntiy to get more experience in creating my own opportunities.

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