Testing – Testing – 1 2 3

“Is this Mom on??”

Wow.. Maria is either testing out being a trying 3 year old OR she senses something is about to change.  Possibly both!

Lately when I put her to bed, she pushes and tests me.  She doesn’t do this with Chad as much as she does with me.  We usually start with books. Turn out the lights.  Then say a prayer, and then I tell her a story (or 2) and/or sing a song.  But when I get up to go, she tries to get down with me. She then often kicks her railing and will just scream in my face, sometimes hits me.

I usually take her Lovey away and let her cry for a few minutes and then go back and she apologizes and lets me leave without more fighting.  However last night, I decided that I needed to hold my ground a little more. No negotiating. So I took Lovey with me and shut her door (she also likes to have the door left partially open).  She was up for at least an hour after that. Occasionally singing and being quiet, but every once in a while it would turn to “Mommy, I’m being nice. I’m sorry to Lovey, and you and Railing!”… when I didn’t respond, she would yell/scream that!  Finally Chad went up and asked her what she did wrong and asked for an apology and then went out in the hall to “convince” Lovey to go back to bed with Maria. Then she was quiet.

Well you can imagine she woke up pretty tired this morning!  And I was home (after turning around when I realized how slippery the roads were) and had to negotiate everything to get her ready for daycare… she was fine once we got there and realized 2 of the 3 other kids weren’t there (and that she would get plenty of attention)

I think she knows. I think she knows that life is about to change. And now that I’m feeling ready, she is the only thing I am unsure about.  It all seems kinds of unfair to rock her world like this. She is sooo much Mommy’s girl and sooo the center of our world and whose ever world she is in.   I know she is going to love this baby and love being a big sister and Mommy’s helper. But she is going to have to learn to share so much including Mommy’s and Daddy’s and Grandma’s and Grandpa’s and her cousins’ attention.

This whole pregnancy I have really focused on the big picture and how when she is 5 or 6, I would totally regret her not having a sibling.  Without a brother, I would be a completely different person.  And I’m guessing he would have turned out a little differently too.  It’s just lately as everything is falling into place and time is ticking down and she continues to amaze me with how much she understands and can learn, that I get more nervous for this transition for her.

I know it’ll be alright, it’s just been hard lately and now we’re going to shake it up just a bit more…  I’m ready for baby to come, I know that.  I think right now the waiting is just giving me time to worry…  and unfortunately being uncomfortable and 9 months pregnant, doesn’t make it easier!

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